How my entrepreneurial endeavour helped me get well… and why it’s time for something else.
I’ve been holding my breath for just over two years now… and bloody hell it feels good to let it go.
You see, I’ve been pursuing and chasing and striving towards building my own business that I thought was my purpose in life, my ‘raison d’etre’ and at the risk of sounding corny… my destiny.
But in recent months, I finally had to face a very tough reality that while my hot pursuit of all things nutritional, healing and Hashimoto’s has consumed me for the past few years… it has not become what I hoped or dreamed it would be.
And the weird thing is, I’m now okay with that.
Mainly because in amongst all my pursuing and chasing and striving… I got well. I could finally stop holding my breath waiting to get sick again… I know now that it isn’t going to happen.
And once I realised that… I then had to realise that my business wasn’t necessarily the ‘business’ I wanted it to be… or enabling me to live the life I wanted to live.
It’s taken this wobbly, offtrack and quite scary journey down an unmarked entrepreneurial path that has given me a wonderful opportunity for personal growth and the space and time to really heal myself.
After much soul searching and few well placed chats with some trusted peeps, I readjusted my rearview mirror… to see not an entrepreneurial failure but rather an almost surreal and rarely provided opportunity for a second chance at life.
Well, I was pretty burnt out and barely hanging on to my sanity when in the years before I cashed in my 26 years law enforcement career… and I’m not sure I could have lived with myself if I’d simply said “rightio, I’m about to take all my life savings and go have a blast for two years and see what happens!”
‘Cos who does that?
But really, that’s exactly what has transpired… in an oddly wonderful and slightly backward way.
I took lots of memorable trips, including my first campervan journey with my pup… I got another University degree AND a university-of-life-degree-in-running-a-small-business… redecorated my home… mastered the art of meditating without squirming… made many new friends… built a lovely community that’s quite different to the other Hashimoto spaces out there… spent a lot of time doing not much at all… and I got well.
Wrestling with the decision about whether to go back to paid employment was not an easy one, but like any hard choices, once the decision was made, it’s like the sun coming out after a week of rain, and I began to relish in the idea of a regular paycheck and actual time off!
The weird thing is, once I made that decision and gave myself permission to let go of entrepreneurialism… all these amazing opportunities started sprouting up!
I had to turn a few of them down because they no longer aligned with my priority of continuing to manage my Hashimoto’s and work full time for someone else, but it’s affirmation for me to continue to walk through the open doors instead of try to batter down the ones that are closed.
Did I feel shame at ‘failing’?
Maybe… a little at first.
Did I have fears about my future?
Sneaky buggers, they gave it a damn good crack! But I’m proud to say I beat them back with all my new tricks 🙂
Do I know what the future holds?
Not one iota!
What I do know is this: I’ve walked pretty far along my healing path and paved the way for others (if they care to join me). But I realise now that I don’t need to pave the roads and build cities along the way, a few well-placed signs and some re-energising stations along the way should do it.
“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again… this time more intelligently.” Henry Ford.
**While I may be hanging up my full time entrepreneurial shingle for the time being, I’m not planning to go anywhere… I fully intend to keep writing and sharing my thoughts while I deviate at my current fork in the road.